Counseling /Psychotherapy

"Happiness will never be any greater than the idea we have of it." Maurice Maeterlinck

Habit Change Specialist

You could say that, in a way, my specialty is habit change. Not just physical habits, but habits of thought and habits of emotions.

For example, becoming comfortable and confident--meaning becoming free-- requires that the automatic habit of internal criticism and judgment be replaced with a much more healthy and positive habit of inner self talk that is kind and honestly supportive. Like any habit change, intentional practice and repetition will create a new automatic response. And because the new habit feels so much better--so honest, real and good--who would ever want to go back to the old way. Feeling good is very rewarding.

Similarly we can get into the habit of worry. Or focusing on sad memories. Or imagining upsetting things happening.

Habits are very powerful. In part because they are invisible, meaning we do them so automatically that most of the time we aren't even aware we are thinking or feeling or behaving in a habitual way.

If you want to feel good, chances are it will be important to discover habitual thinking or feeling that has likely been (without knowing it) supporting--maybe even strengthening--the trouble.

Become Clear About What You Want

The central feature of our counseling work together is to get clear about what you want. As a rule, people decide to seek a counselor because of something that is unwanted--insecurity, sadness from loss, anxiousness, possibly pain.

In order to get to a better place, you have to know what the better place is that you are seeking.

Sometimes I tell people that getting a counselor is like calling for a cab. The first thing a cab driver wants to know is where you want to go. If you say, "I don't know, just get me out of here" what do you think will happen? You will be driven around for a while--or longer, depending on how much fare the driver is trying to get from you--and then be deposited right back where you started.

Direction

You need to know where you want to go. You need to know what you want. After that, it is a lot easier to map out how to there--to align your habits of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors with what you want rather than have your thoughts, feelings, and actions be determined by what you do't want, are afraid of, or are distressed by. Ultimately it will also be a lot fast. And a whole lot less expensive.

What You Give Your Attention To Matters.....

Through many years of professional and life experience, I have learned that focusing on pathology, brokenness, helplessness, and inadequacy only prolongs pain and postpones genuine healing and joy.

My work now is focused on the positive energies of life:

• Attitudes of worth, meaning and purpose
• Identification of gifts, strengths, and possibilities
• Self-knowledge, authenticity, courage, and integrity

"Never let your memories be greater than your dreams."Doug Ivestor

We must simply have faith in the rhythms of change: the gifts of life are inevitably followed by loss, which is just as inevitably followed by renewal. Life is not meant to be carefully planned and ever familiar-we must trust that we will survive strange journeys. Sanctuary: Gardening For The Soul